Thursday, July 31, 2008
If we ever need a new couch, I'm voting for tiger. It would fit our living room decor perfectly. We could put the cow in Taylor's old room and decorate it with old antique milk bottles and posters of farms since his wife Sarah's family owns a huge dairy farm in NY. Maybe they would come over more and visit me if we did a Dairy Room. The artist has a whole line of fun furniture that would just make you happy ever time you sat down.
I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry at this photo. When the vet said I was 1/2 pound overweight, I freaked out. This poor guy looks about 15 pounds overweight, and he's just 6 months old. The baby may be laughing now, but if he looked inside at how hard his little heart has to work... he'd be crying. I guess the parents better get with the program and stop feeding him on demand or the government will come in and demand they turn him over to foster care.
I am so much better today. I feel almost human (I mean dog-like) again. The Vet called last night to check up on me. She wanted me to come in right away for one more shot, but Linda said she wanted to hold off to see how I did today. I've had so many drugs, shots and X-rays, that is probably worse for me then whatever sickness I have. Oh, and she said I am 1/2 pound overweight! The nerve. There was a giant dog scale in the examining room, besides the little baby scale I weigh on. I made her get on the big scale and she was 135 pounds and I was 5 1/2 pounds, so she better watch who she calls fat. It looks like I'll be getting less treats and special food for fat dogs. Good thing Linda is a Weight Watcher leader and aerobic instructor, she can be my personal trainer. This doggie treadmill would give me something to do while Linda is at work.
Nah, I don't like coffee, but Wake Up and Smell the Bacon? I'm all over that. A brillant person created the "Wake n' Bake. Put a piece of frozen bacon in the alarm clock and 10 minutes before the you need to wake up, 2 high power halogen lamps come on and cook the bacon perfectly. Wa-Lah! The alarm goes off and you get to eat a delicious piece of bacon, right there in bed. We need one of these. Since Linda is a vegan, that means I get to eat the bacon every morning. Look, the alarm even has a pig face.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sorry I can't post today. I am still feeling a little sick. The nice vet lady called today to see how I am doing. I've thrown up 3 more times today even with the anti-throw up medicine I'm taking. It looks like I'll be visiting the vet again tomorrow. I'm going to bed.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
This is just a terrible story. A Labrador puppy killed a 2-month old baby who was left unattended in his swing seat. The mom and grandma were home, but in another room. I can't even imagine what in the world got into the puppy to attack the baby. Maybe it was just playing with it and did not know it was hurting him. I'm sure the baby was crying, why didn't the mom come in the room to see what was going on? It's tragic, but mom's know the difference in their baby's cries. Being hurt sounds a whole lot different then needing to be changed. They must be in terrible shock, but I wonder if neglect charges will be filed? As I've said in past posts, we are animals and do not always act predictable. Please be responsible with children and pets left unsupervised. Next thing you know, warning labels will have to be tattooed into dogs. "Don't leave alone with babies" "Don't leave in hot car" "Feed and water daily."
I think I almost died. Not from the earthquake, but I got really, really sick in about 2 hours time. I threw up, had diarrhea, started shaking and got glassy eyed. Linda rushed me to the animal hospital. I had to get an IV of fluids, blood work, Xrays, lots of shots and medicines. My red blood count was wacky so I have to take 2 medicines twice a day. It was terrible. Linda stayed with me holding and petting me as much as she could, but then she had to leave me alone while they did all the tests. I got to come home, but I have to be watched very carefully. The bill was more then the new refrigerator Linda was going to buy, but it looks like we will be stuck with the broken one for awhile longer. I feel so loved Linda did not scrimp on my care.
Hold on to your Milk Bones, a ground shaking magnitude-5.8 earthquake has struck just east of Los Angeles, California. I'm skarit of earthquakes and I hope one does not happen where I live. I'm so little that even a picture falling off the wall could squish me flat. I'll post more news as it becomes available.
The news keeps getting weirder and weirder. UFO's, Yetis, life on other planets, monkeypigs and now another sighting of Bigfoot. This time a mom and daughter were picking berries in northwestern Ontario when a giant 8 foot tall black hairy human-ish beast came near their pickup truck. It spotted them and ran into the forest. Later, a large 6 toed footprint was found in the area. The pair were so frightened they left their berries and sped away in their truck. I would have at least taken the berries.
Monday, July 28, 2008
A rare photo of the Black Ninja Assassin Sect - last located in down town Tokyo but who have recently disappeared, leading Intelligence to believe that a full scale cat attack is imminent. Look at the pitiless eyes, the cold killer stares and admit to yourself there is reason to worry. Sends chills down my spine.
I had such a fun evening. Linda took me to Taylor's soccer game. He scored 3 goals and his church team beat the other guys by 5 to 0. It was so much fun watching the men run around kicking the ball. I wanted to get down and chase it, but kicks were flying and I did not want to be mistaken for a soccer ball. The other team was yelling and calling things in Spanish. No one said Chalupa, but I did hear "Qué perro tan mono!" Which I think means "Pass me the ball". There were deer in the next field. I was only a few feet away from baby deer drinking it's Mama's milk. I'm so tired from the excitement that I am already almost asleep. Linda is watching wrestling on TV. It just a bunch of grown men in tiny underwear bashing each other over the head.
Two Chihuahua dogs were the cause of a very unfortunate accident on a nude beach in Oregon this week. A man was rafting with his kids when he came upon the nude beach. His dogs jumped out of the raft and ran up to a 74 year old man. The old timer got out a collapsible baton and started hitting the dogs. Of course the owner got involved and the crazy old man ended up beating him with the baton. The Chihuahua beater is now in jail, no word if he is still nude or in a prison jumpsuit. A 10-102 is police code for cruelty to animals. A 314 is indecent exposure. A CIJ is a cat in jail.
Chip has totally shredded the chair in the living room and keeps sucking on the yarn strings. It is totally disgusting. If Linda had only known about the Catsifier. The Catsifier is a kitty pacifier pillow that has fake cat fur with 4 nipples secured to the fur. Chip can scratch and suck to her little black hearts content without getting all that cat slobber on our furniture.
There are people who pray to saints for blessings and protection. I don't agree with this practice, but I just found out about St. Roch the patron saint of dogs. Born in 1295 in Montpelier France, he helped the poor and needy and eventually contracted a contagious disease. Roch retreated into the forest so he would not infect anyone else. He was befriended by a dog who bought him food from a nearby manor house and licked his wounds until they healed. When he returned home, he found that his whole family had died. Roche was arrested and falsely imprisoned for spying. Along with his faithful dog, they cared for other prisoners until his death in 1327. Now it's never been easier or more affordable (just $4.95) to bring the power of the patron saint Roch to your aid. Each 3-3/4" tall, hard vinyl Saint comes with a 3" wide base and a removable backdrop that includes a pray for dogs. I'll pray that Snickers will be healed; Chip will stop annoying me and Linda will only feed me fillet mignon.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
We were going to go to a Dog Festival today with the POPP's (Parents of Purse Puppies) but it started to rain. I was really looking forward to trying it because the last time I went to something with other dogs, I freaked out big time. We'll try again next month since there is at least one activity every 3 or 4 weeks. This is not a photo of us thank goodness. I have way more hairy and am cuter. Linda on the other hand.....
What could be worse then getting attacked and bitten by a rapid fox? Getting shot by your own husband! A couple went out in their back yard to investigate the lone fox when all of a sudden it jumped on the women and started biting her. When the husband could not make the fox let go, he ran inside and got his rifle, firing 7 times! Unfortunately, not all of the shots hit the fox. Fortunately, the wife is fine and recovering in the hospital. Unfortunately, the fox is not so fine.
What has thin lips, a small nose, two big eyes, rear legs that are longer then its front legs and hops instead of walks? Everyone knows its the rare and scary looking monkey-piglet. Chinese villager Feng Changlin favorite sow gave birth to five little baby piglets and one of them came out a monkey-pig. At first everyone was afraid of it, but now the man's son plays with it and feeds it milk. The momma sow probably didn't say NO! to drugs when she was pregnant. It's either that or she was captured into a space ship and impregnated by aliens.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
I don't know how to post videos on this site, Linda never told me, so you'll have to find it yourself. Get a box of tissues and google "lion reunion I will always love you." Don't watch any other version first. Linda has watched it a bunch of times and keeps crying each time. Tierney came home and watched it and she cried too. What's the big deal? It's a cat for crying out loud!!
We have this little game we play during dinner time. Snickers and I lay on the blanket in the living room and Linda will throw us cookies across 2 rooms and try to hit the blanket. It's a lot of fun, but sometimes the treats don't always fly straight. The perfect solution!
The Zing Spoon. Her aim would be perfect every single time.
It's so simple being a puppy. You don't have to worry about what to do with your hair or keep up with the latest updo's. It's a good thing because I'm not sure that my head could support the mass of hair and styling goo it would take to wear this style. I'm flattered that they used my face to style the last one. Which one do you like best?
For all the poor women who have to tolerate dead dear heads on the wall of their living room, they should be thankful that their husband does not use the end part as well. Although you have to admit, this does make a very interesting door bell decoration. How much you want to bet a single guy lives here?
Friday, July 25, 2008
The World has gone mad. I might have to stop writing this blog and volunteer to be the first Chihuahua to get launched into space so I don't have to read these ridiculous news stories. A company has made a new line of baby shoes for infants 0-6 months old... ready....WITH HIGH HEELS. There is a disclaimer that the heels will collapse under weight, so the 1 month old baby can't walk on them. Good thing the disclaimer is on the package, I'm sure there would be infants walking all over Nordstrom shopping. There is also a second disclaimer: Not intended to harm children in any way.
We have a small garden gnome near the front door in our flower bed. It used to be in Linda's garden when she was just a little girl. I like this garden zombie better. It is life size and would make a great watch-zombie. Not to many bad guys would try to break in because they would be to scared they might end up down there with him! Tierney would freak out if we got this. She is always reading books on how to survive a zombie attack. It's a great deal for only $89., much cheaper then a home security system. We could also get the garden Yeti monster and put him on the back deck.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
More stupid human tricks: Ladies, if you have an extra $180 in your purse, why don't you go get a facial at Shizhuka Salon in NY City. They claim your skin will be lightened, brightened and sun damage reversed by this innovated facial. The treatment uses nightingale poop as the main ingredient in their facial, which women say smells "musky." While you are in NY, head over to 5th Avenue and plunk down your $600 so leeches can suck your blood for a "detox" treatment. No spa day is compete without a pedicure. Spend one hour (and $180) with your feet in a pan of water containing live fishies. They will nibble all the dead skin from your feet. A full day of relaxation and beauty treatments for just under $1,000. If you are live in West Virginia, just go out to the creek in the woods and you could do it all for free!!
I have never heard of bears traveling in packs, but I guess no one told them that it's not normal. At least 30 of crazed hungry bears have been searching for food and terrorizing a group of men at a mining compound in Russia. Two of the men became bear chow and now the other men won't go to work. (Do you blame them?) The Kamchatka brown bear is one of the world's largest, with boy bears reaching 10 feet and weighing up to 1,540 pounds. They can also run up to 30 mph despite their bulk. A California women just had 10 hours of surgery after a bear attacked her near Sequoia National Forest. The cops are checking the womens clothes for DNA so they can find the bear who did it and not kill the wrong one. In Russia, they are just shooting all the bears and not bothering finding out who the guilty bears are. That is why I like living in the USA. Even animals get a fair trial. I couldn't find a photo of a pack of bears so I'm using a photo of a pack of bear cookies. Yum.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Be very, very careful what you leave around the house. Dogs are very curious and we will swallow anything that is within reach. Juliette Piesly had to change the battery in her electronic key fob. After she put her new battery in, the car would still not start. She called a mechanic who figured out that the immobiliser chip was not in the fob so the battery could not be activated. Suddenly, Juliette remembered her dog George lurking near her feet when she was dismantling the key fob. They put George in the front seat and Vrooom!, the car started right up. The dog had eaten the immobiliser chip. Juliette has to take the dog everywhere with her until the chip works its way out. Yikes, I'm sure she is not looking forward to trying to find it.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The other day I blogged about insurance policies in case you get abducted by aliens. Well, another company is offering insurance policies to get into heaven. You just purchace the policy, and when you die... you are assured your spot in heaven. If you die and don't make it past the pearly gates, the company says they will refund your money. Imagine if some poor soul was duped and thought they could make it by signing on the dotted line? Not to be outdone, there is another company who is selling policies to guarantee entrance into H-E- Double LL. I don't have to worry about any of that because I already know "All Dogs Go To Heaven." I saw the movie and it's true.
Everyone is talking about going to the Batman movie. I've never been to the movies, although I have watched them on TV. Linda does not like long movies because her knee hurts from sitting. This Batman is supposed to be verrrrry looong, so we'll probably end up just watching the DVD at home. Here are some funny Batman lines from the old TV show. Batman: [to Mr. Freeze] Naturally you didn't know I was wearing my special Super B long thermal underwear. Batman: Just a second while I retrieve my beanie, my hair, my tweezers, and my notes. Robin: The opposite of a girl is a boy! Robin: Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods! ; Robin: You were taken in by her, but I'm too young for that sort of thing. Batgirl: I feel like I'm getting flat! Batbaby: Holy Pureed Prunes, I need my diaper changed!
Here are 3 real life advertisements found in newspapers across the country. They are all funny, but I like the Back to School special. When Linda was in second grade, she used to stop on the way home from school at this small Mom and Pop paper store that sold candy. For weeks and weeks, the man would sell her 2 packs of gum for .25 cents, but only if she purchased 2. When she finally went in one day with her Mom, each pack of gum was only .10 cents each, so the old man was cheating her by .5 cents every day! I guess Linda should have paid better attention in math class.
Wow! It looks like someone found a very ancient Choopzilla dinosaur skeleton. The ears and mouth are identical to mine. Must be a distant cousin. That is what I thought too, until I read the accompanying article. It's actually a paper mache replica of the Choopzilla created by Brazilian artist Alexandre Jorge. He has done a whole series of creepy imaginary animals. Google his name and you can see all of his art work. It looks so lifelike that I'm skaret.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Picture the wind blowing gently in the garden. A monk is meditating and smells the sweet garden blossoms. Everything is perfect, the only thing missing is a cup of tea. But oh no, the branches are too high and the mountain too steep. His monkey senses his thoughts. Knowing his master wants tea, he climbs high up into the trees and brings him back some wonderful tea leaves. The tea is so delicious, others train their monkeys to pick the delicate tea leaves.
I totally don't know if that story is true or not, but it sounds like that is the way it might have happened. These days the practice of monkeys picking tea has all but died out. EXCEPT, one small village still continues this tradition. You can order your own bag of rare tea It is full of antioxidants, will calm you and temper your spirit. Best of all, the tea claims it will put you in divine touch with your monkey ancestors. The 2 oz bag costs 19.99 which seems like an incredible deal for stupid humans. P.S. No monkeys were harmed in the picking of this tea.
While you are drinking your tea, you can wear the tea shirt that proves to the world that you are a chump, I mean chimp.
When Tierney was in 3rd grade, she watched a real life (fake) TV drama about a family trapped in their house because aliens landed in their yard. They were killed one at a time until all that was left was the boy who was holding the hand held camcorder. It petrified her for months and months. She put empty cans on her windowsill so she could hear if an alien tried to break in. If she would have read this list of things to prevent abductions, she would have slept better. Here they are: Leave bright light on. Use a warning buzzer that will alarm you if the power goes off. If you have floor fans turn them all on with air-stream directed away from you. Spread salt all around your bed. Sleep with iron bars nearby or preferably, next to you. Pray and sleep with religious book, picture, etc around you. Visualize white light surrounding and protecting you.
If that still does not make you feel safe, you can always buy an abduction insurance policy for $19.95.
Sometimes I go off on a tangent about a certain topic. Lately, I've been interested in pigs. Happy pigs, stolen pigs, pigs made into bacon. This is my favorite story about pigs yet. A Bavarian village was flooded by liquid pig poo after a tank containing the fertilizer burst. The piggypoo rose to 20 inches in the streets of Elsa which is in Germany. I can't even think of a joke to go with this story. But it's kind of like what would happen if all these flying pigs let it go all at once.
Linda is so excited because she is getting to volunteer in the baby nursery at church. There are 15 babies all under one years old and she gets to hug and cuddle all of them. I hope she doesn't forget how important Choopie is and that I love to be held too! Some people who can't have children or just want another baby are going to the store and buying "Reborn Babies." Honest to goodness, humans are just ridiculous sometimes. The dolls are so realistic, that many stores won't even carry them. To make them more lifelike, they are weighted to feel like a real baby and they having breathing boxes inside so its chest moves as it breaths. One women left her "reborn baby" in the car when she went in the store and someone broke the window because they thought she had really left her kid in the car. Many people think it is sick for an adult women to carry around a doll and pretend its alive, but some doctor's are saying the dolls are used successfully in therapy with Alzheimer patients, so I guess its all good.
When your as little as I am, everything looks big and scary. This Chihuahua Pooch looks just terrified of the big bad T-Rex bag. This person never should have been walking that itty-bitty
dog on such a crowed street. She could have gotten stepped on or kicked by accident. I only get carried when there are people around, but of course I'm a princess and totally spoiled.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Authorities are on the lookout for a pignapper. In Iowa, a thief stole a whole passel of pigs. One Hundred and Twenty to be exact. How do you steal that many pigs? Do you put them in your pickup truck one at a time? Plus, where do you hide them? It's probably an alien abduction. Pigs are actually smarter than dogs (most dogs, not me of course). People who say they are sweating like a pig are actually in error. Pigs only roll in the mud to cool off since they have no sweat glands. They are also the only animal who can get a sunburn. Don't ever tell anyone they live like a pig, because they are actually very clean and will only use their pee-pee pads in one corner of their living area. And to say a food is "pig slop" is also not true. Pigs have 6.000 more taste buds then humans do, so they have a very distinguished pallet. Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo. One pig ate so much ice cream that he was 2,552 pounds and 5'9" long. That is only 3/4 inch short then Linda (but 2,422 pounds lighter!) After reading all about pigs, I bet you'll think twice before you bite into that strip of bacon.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I have a carrying pack that I snuggle in while Linda takes Snickers for a walk. We call it the Choop-a-Roo because she looks like a kangaroo when she carries me. When a baby roo is born, it is the size of a Lima bean, and I thought I was small! It stays in the pouch for a long time drinking milk and growing stronger. They can get very big and strong, like this kanga who attacked a poor old women who was checking on her horses. The 6'5" beast jumped up and landed on the lady seriously injuring her. Their hind leg nails are so sharp they can disembowel its foes. Lucky for the lady, she had a dog who came to her rescue and chased it off. They can leap to speeds of 44 mph, but usually go between 13-25 mph. There has only been one known death by kangaroo and that was a long time ago. They are normally shy with humans, but will box & grapple with other males for fun and dominance. I could save Linda from a kangaroo attack.. as long as it was the Musky Rat-kangaroo, which only grows to 9 inches long.
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
Friday, July 18, 2008
This looks so much like me if Linda took me for a haircut. My hair is a little wiry and out of control right now. Kind of like living a bad hair day your whole life. When I b-little, my hair was short like this, but now that I'm all growed up, I'm super furry. Tomorrow, there is a charity dog grooming promotion at our local groomers. All the money goes to the fire department, so if she gets out of work early enough, I might get to go. I'll post before and after photos of my makeover. Speaking of makeovers, Linda received gift certificate for a deluxe facial today. Her skin looks baby bottom soft and dewy. It's only fair I get one too!!
– I'm not saying that I'm the only pooch to have her own blog. I will go as far as saying mine is the best though. Not only do you get insight from a Chihuahua/Yorkie or "Chorkie" as I like to call myself, but you get strange news tidbits and funny comments. Imagine my surprise when I read that a certain pop star's Chihuahua Lola has launched her own DLOG or dog blog. I'm more than a little bit jealous. It costs $30 a month to access and read the site. If I charged $30 a month per reader, I'd be making a fortune, at least $120 per month!! That would buy a lot of squeaky toys and cookie treats. Linda better get with the program and set up a Paypal account for me.